The last thing I ever wish to do is cast dispel and dispersion on anyone or any-thing that lives in the light of day - versus the doom and dark of night.  However, I have come upon something that looks and smells a little fishy, regardless of its propensity for night or day.
It's called orange roughy.  Do you think I've never heard of it before?  Well, I was born at night but not last night!  I just haven't been buying the stuff and you can't pull it out of Schutz Lake or Leech Lake or Lake Zumbra or the Boundary Waters.  And when is the last time you set sail on the Pacific or Atlantic to cast for orange roughy?
But I purchased some of the white filets last week in the frozen fish section of a nearby grocery store - because it was less expensive than walleye, it looked okay, it has fewer calories than beef, it's different than chicken, and what the hell.
I left it in my freezer for a couple of days, thawed it on the third day, and as I was rinsing it under cold water a few minutes before it hit the pan, I noticed that some of the filets appeared to have two backbones.  I fingered them under water, touched their tenderness, and tried to see where evolution went wrong.  There were no obvious answers.  I couldn't tell which of the backbones might be the real one.  In fact, I'd say they weren't backbones at all but, instead, a stenciling of some sort.
Supper was in the making, however, so I gave up the ghost and pan-fried the orange roughy, searing the "filets" on high for a brief time on each side, lightly seasoning them in the process, and flipping them onto our plates next to the asparagus spears and shoreline potatoes.
They looked like fish but they didn't smell like fish.  They tasted fine.  They seemed to flake, in a manner of speaking, but not really.  Fake crab meat also tastes fine and resembles the real thing, but those extra backbones in the orange roughy filets went beyond the pale for me.
Beyond the pale, you say?  And also in the pail!  Vance Kerber of Chaska got his name drawn from the minnow pail this month and wins the $10 drawing.  Vance (who wrote that "Ken's Auto in Chaska is my dad's company") found the fishhook hidden on page 37 in the Prints Publishing display.  If you look at the "b" carefully, there's a hook in it! 
There's another fishhook hidden in this issue of the Gazette.  If you want to be part of next month's drawing, find the fishhook, drop a line in the mail to Box 387, Victoria, MN telling of its location, and sinker in the mail.  You'll be dropped in the pail along with other entries, and I guarantee there won't be an orange roughy swimming in the same waters with all youse guys.