Hot enough fer ya?
Each year the Victoria Lions choose the hottest weekend of the year to conduct their annual Softball Tournament Weekend.  This year was no exception.  The third weekend of July retains its sticky stifling status.
This year it was still 90 degrees at 10 o'clock at night.  Terms like "peak heat index," "hot air mass," "high heat cells," and "muggy dew points" competed with other terms like "base hit," "homerun," "strikeout," and "pass-out."
Since I'm the spouse of a Victoria Lion, I get to experience the annual heat for 3.5 hours next to a hot grill in a hot shelter in a hot park on a hot afternoon.  Other spouses have the same or similar tasks during the three-day Tournament each year -- along with the Lions themselves -- and it gives a whole new meaning to the Lions motto:  "We serve." 
In any case, the Lions' fresh burgers, brats, and hotdogs are second to none.  People eat them like they're going out of style.  Maybe the heat and humidity have something to do with it. 
It was so hot that the burgers kept sizzling even after they were flipped from the grill into the bun.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the pre-cut hotdog buns were pasted shut and also to each other in the plastic bags.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the pop and beer started boiling in their own cans if not emptied in 15 minutes.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that when we picked up the taffy candy sticks for sale they were limp as cooked lasagna noodles.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the frozen ice cream treats became like soft kool whip in paper wrappers as soon as they left the freezer.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the bowl of individual cheese slices turned into a bowl of cheese soup.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that there were no raw onions available for the burgers and brats.  They got fried without ever seeing a frying pan.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the bowl of tomato slices became a bowl of ketchup.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the plastic bottle of ketchup melted into a heap like a deflated beach ball.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the plastic bottle of mustard melted into something that begged to be flushed - poupon, for example.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that  crisp lettuce leaves wilted into a mass of nasty seaweed.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that sweat dripped off our noses and splattered into the moneybox.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that t-shirts got soiled and laundered and soiled and laundered without ever leaving the body.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that tank tops got tanked.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that when pitchers threw a fastball, it exploded before it hit the catcher's glove.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that when pitchers threw a curve ball, it straightened out.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the metal bleachers put third degree burns on all kinds of butts.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that somebody was always hiding in the walk-in freezer.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the sauerkraut turned into boiled cabbage.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the shade came in out of the sun.  Hot enough fer ya?
It was so hot that the pepper sprouted.  Hot enough fer ya?
This age-old question pops up on the street corner and at church and at the post office.  Hot enough fer ya?  It's the question that rolls off the lips of everybody you meet everywhere.  Hot enough fer ya?  And now it's been asked in the Victoria Gazette more often than anyplace else in Carver County if not the entire State of Minnesota.
Thank you, Victoria Lions, for another great weekend.  Hot enough fer ya?