"It used to be we ate indoors and went to the toilet outdoors.  Now we eat outdoors and go to the toilet indoors." SENATOR ROBERT BYRD on the floor of the U.S. Senate in July. Who swiped the Sears Catalog? "The only paper I've got comes from a whole roll." JERRY SCHMIEG, VICTORIA PAPERHANGER as the editor asked if he had a sheet of paper. With four rolls to a package. "Your feet are pointed in the wrong direction." JOHN FLORA, FRIDLEY, MINNESOTA to his wife Jan on the golf course. Pigeon toed. "My feet are going to point someplace else in a minute and you're going to feel it." JAN FLORA, FRIDLEY, MINNESOTA to husband John. A butt hole in one. "To golf is a bit of a lesson in Christian humility." FR. ANGELUS SHAUGHNESSY, EWTN Even if you're not married? "I just buy my normal color -- mousey gray." CAROL SCHMIDT, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA about her hair dye. True blue. "It's nice to see the headlights come, and it's nice to see the taillights go." JERRY MICHEL, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA about having the grandchildren. Lights out. "I don't think my mother ever had a mixed drink in her whole life." MARY MOORE, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA about the late Hilda Wartman. She drank it straight? "I'm so proud of you, falling into your mom's footsteps." ALLAN ORSEN, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA to Mary Moore. Catch a falling star. "There's nothing like a little revenge before supper." CHUCK SCHMIDT, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA about Allan's statement to Mary Moore. Just desserts. "Now I can keep eating maple nut ice cream." GERMAINE JESBERG, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA testing negatively for diabetes. This little piggie went to market. "You sure know how to cook, even if you are Belgian." JERRY MICHEL, VICTORIA, MICHEL at the editor's dinner table. I don't Waffle. "You can almost be assured that if you go to hell, you're gonna smoke." ALLAN ORSEN, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA about cigarettes in the next life. If God wanted me to smoke, He'd have given me a chimney. "I'd rather be handpicked than henpecked." CHUCK SCHMIDT, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA Chicken. "I saw all those people my age and they're old." RAY SCHMIEG, VICTORIA, MINNESOTA surprised at a recent funeral. Rock of ages. Click here for more quotes.